SUVs Are Shitty Useless Vehicles And You Are An Ass For Driving One

I have a personal thing against owners of SUVs,yes, and I believe no reasonable society should allow these these Shitty Useless Vehicles plying on their roads and hence should be banned. Well, not only because I am almost, run over by these metallic junks everyday. Nor because I am object of these people’s contempt as they sit in their high and mighty position on their bungalow-on-wheels as I try to sneak through some gaps (since gaps are the only thing available on roads), looking down on me as if I have trespassed into their private property. But because, these diesel guzzling huge shoeboxes-on-wheels are converting the roads into a) a death traps for cyclist, motorists and normal people, b) a clogged drainpipe by consuming every available space and are also c) polluting the city like no other private vehicle.

This link will help you share my dread

Let me elaborate –

Safety – You may be safe inside that abomination and for sure will survive a head on collision with a lorry, on which ‘Horn Ok Plijj’ is written, as compared to your neighbor driving a hatchback. But have you considered that the hatchback will do a much better job in avoiding that collision in the first place? Most passenger cars are safer than SUV when taken into account risk posed to other riders, combined. (Watch the gif below). The amount of blind spots that SUVs have that you need a minimum of fifty sensors to maneuver this thing. Also, Riders of such magnanimous monsters, sitting on their leather thrones which gives them a commanding sensation, tend to think they are invincible leading to act as some kind of Khal Drogo. How many times I have been subjected to constant honking and contemptuous looks as the tattooed warrior in an Innova rushes past me at 90km/hr.

Anyday… Mahn! Anyday!

Space – These Elephants on wheels, takes up space of ten two-wheelers or three hatchbacks. SUVs, usually driven by just one person, create an urban sprawl eating away every available inch of roads. They jostle for limited space with other vehicles on small arterial roads allowing movement in neither direction causing long traffic overhauls (I am not saying SUVs are only reason, but they are major reason).

Hey, SUV owner, next time you think you are avoiding a traffic jam by sneaking through arterial roads, remember its you who are causing a traffic jam

Also, they are space eaters when lying idle. The sidewalks, in the area that I live in, is usually converted into a monster truck private parking lot by every evening that normal people need to put their lives at risk and walk on main roads to get somewhere.

Infinite loops are only place where you can ride a Honda CR-V without much struggle

 

Pollution – Diesel SUVs are the most polluting private car to ply on Indian roads. Their design and size allows poor fuel economy. Now, as mentioned since they majorly congest our roads, hence as traffic slows down, they pollute more. Even if this were not the case (say these were electric cars), they still occupy more space and slow down traffic, forcing the travelling public to inhale pollutants from other vehicles as they themselves roll their windows up and inhale air purified by ambi-pur.

Let’s consider what are the For argument for SUVs –

Great for Outbacks – I would like to ask how many days in a year that owner of these mini trucks finds himself offroad in Himalayan Mountains trying to spot a snow leopard? Majority of these boxes for most of their lifetimes are/will be used in urban settings. For most of the machine’s lifetimes, an SUV is used as a daily commuter. The owner most likely will be taking the vehicle to a tech park, to a school to drop her child, to a gym or a mall than on a trip from Delhi to Jaipur. So, why opt for such an inefficient blob for that job. Also, there are great rental options available if at all they find the need to go offroads.

Only reason to buy Land Cruiser is to park it on a beach at sunset. It makes a good photograph

 

Roominess – Unless you are planning on having some action in backseat, this is a debatable point as 95 percent of these mammoths on road, as observed earlier, are single occupants. And the only cargo in these vehicles is their office laptops. I guess, rest of the space is taken up by their inflated egos. A premium hatchback can easily contain your entire family on a trip to a mall.

An SUV will come in handy if you are taking your entire village to the Great Indian Shopping Festival

Innova can help transport infinite versions of you to infinite places, only if you suffer from multiple identity disorder

Style and Sexiness – Really? an SUV looks like the bastard son of a mini truck and an Auto-Rikshaw. The advertisements claim that if you own an SUV, you are tough, independent and sexy. Yes, sure… remember that was how cigarettes were advertised until a decade ago. Then there are catchy names like Land Cruiser, Range Rover, Pathfinder, Cave Explorer, Dragon Tamer… I will also will like to suggest Widow Maker, Planet Killer, Space Eater, Road Clogger, Ego Inflater as names to SUV manufacturers for their next models. BTW a Sedan is ten times sexier than these mini truck rickshaws.

A person of Ranbir Kapoor’s size needs Lodgy to travel around. What next Renault? Apartmenty for Sunny Deol?

 

I have tried to understand the mentality of an SUV owner, but considering all the factors, there’s only one possibility. SUV owners are grade A Assholes.

Sure mahn! it is your money and you can do whatever you wish with it, but the city is shared. It is not leased by your forefathers. I own this space equally. That machine contributes to larger parking footprints, larger carbon footprints, and are potential killers. Why the rest of us should collectively be paying for inflated egos of some dicks.

Whatever the reason maybe – swayed by advertising, that its safer (it is not), great for outbacks; I think its just plain hypocrisy, SUVs are dangerous to almost everyone on road, mostly useless and ugly as hell.